May 21, 2014
|Posted: Post subject: Restless Nights and Depressing Days
|Lately I haven't exactly been myself it could be due to lack of restful sleep or the stress of needing to find a job but it seems that every memory I've suppressed has decided to come and flood my mind all at once and I feel like I am drowning in emotions mainly anger and sadness. I have never been one of those people who can hate anybody regardless of how much they hurt me maybe if I was like that I wouldn't feel the sadness but then I would just be bitter, I'm not sure which is worse. I am very empathetic and compassionate and I think that is why I can't hold grudges or anger. I've gone years without really feeling the pain of past hurts in the beginning I disconnected myself from it and chose not to feel anything later on I chose to forgive and put it all past me. As of recent though I have been plagued by nightmares related to the person(s) who have hurt me. I don't know what brought it on but I feel like now I am psycho *nalyzing every decision I have made for the most part of my life. I have been waking with a sense of foreboding and I'm not sure if it's irrational due to the nightmares or maybe my subconscious really is trying to warn me of coming danger. Who knows maybe I have finally been broken beyond repair by those I have loved the most.